Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I May Not Be Able To Take It.

Things I need explained to me, please:

Why Twisted Sister’s classic anti-authority anthem “We’re Not Gonna Take It” is being used to hawk birth control. Yeah, that's right. I called it a classic. What're you gonna do about it?

People who walk around with a mobile phone perched upon their ear, like it's some electronic aural sex device whispering sweet nothings 24/7. "Hey, stud...your ear wax is nummy."

Celebrities who think it’s cool to name their kids things like Bronx Mowgli. What's next? “I’m proud to announce that today we welcomed our new baby girl! Mother and Queens Baloo are doing fine."

Why there isn’t a government agency responsible for outlawing names like that. I mean, my God, shouldn’t somebody be watching out for the little Pilot Inspektors and Audio Sciences and Dakota Sierras of the world?

Mothers who shriek along with their pre-teen daughters at screenings of Twilight.

Shrieking fans in general.

My neighbor’s penchant for standing in the middle of our street shooting arrows at a target in his garage while wearing a camouflage jacket and, I dunno, hunting tights?

How my son can be doing so well in kindergarten and yet still be seemingly unable to accept full responsibility for wiping his own ass. Sorry--heinie.

How my wife can call the Evil Dead films "stupid" and then sit for hours in front of a Real Housewives marathon.

How anyone could NOT consider "We're Not Gonna Take It" a classic.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Okay, how could you possibly have omitted this camo neighbor story from one of our lunchtime chats? It's what I've been lacking, friend. I must know more.