Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Pork Group

I was driving down the highway the other day, and as I was passing a truck, I looked over my shoulder to see the most adorable, pink noses snuffling at the vented sides. I actually smiled. Thought to myself "Aww. Pigs're cute, huh?"

'Course, as I passed the truck, I came upon the inevitable. When I pulled up next to the cab, I saw this on its door:

The Pork Group

Now, even though I already knew what these pigs were heading for, this sight hit me for some reason. I don't know what I was thinking, but in that split second after seeing the pink little pig snouts and then the name of their "group," I imagined this:

Pinkerton: "You know, I do believe it's been a long while since we pigs have seen the city."
Percy: "Well, apart from Babe..."
Pinkerton: "Yes. Quite. In any case, I do think it's time for an outing, wouldn't you lot agree?"
Polly: "Are you quite mad? I'm not sure I could drag these teats to the loo, bugger all to the city!"
Pinkerton: "Yes, but we could help you! I'm sure each of the lads would grab a teat or two, whaddya say, boys?"
Percy, Percival, Pete and Hogg: "Aye!"
Pinkerton: "See, Polly? There ya have it. It'll be a swine time! Finally, out and about, hittin' the town! Mothers lock up your piglets...here comes...uh...The Pork Group!
Percy, Percival, Pete and Hogg: "The Pork Group!"
Polly: "Oh, how clever."
Pinkerton: "Aye, we'll have a ham-tastic time! And, I'll get us the finest transport in the land, with breathing holes and everything! Nothing but the best for The Pork Group!"

...and they had the swinest time, and lived hammily ever after...

Well...I eat bacon. And ham. And whichever part of the pig contributes to the hot dog. But I came home that day asking my wife if she thought it would be possible for us to transition to vegetarianism.

"Well, it wouldn't be that bad," she said. "There's lots of stuff out there. It's just a question of whether you think you'd be able to give up meat."

Um. To be honest, I don't think I would.

Damn you, Pork Group! Why'd you have to be so yummy?

And so weirdly British?


Feitz Rodmett said...


If you're lookin for a complete list of the parts of the pig that make ot dogs...let me know.

Feitz Rodmett said...

Update your blog : )